By Atty. Kezia G. Huelar
Gratefulness in adversity – Atty. Huelar shares the goodness of God despite her failures in her journey as an aspiring lawyer.
To our University President, Rev. Dr. Ernest Howard B. Dagohoy
to our Dean, Atty. Aila Rae Endonila,
to the man whose legacy we celebrate today, Judge Renato D. Muñez, Sr.
to my beloved professors,
the staff of the CPU College of Law,
my fellow newly minted lawyers, friends, guests – a pleasant afternoon to all of you.
My law school journey started in 2013. I reluctantly enrolled at the CPU College of Law at my father’s request, but at that time I really didn’t feel that I was mature enough for law school.
During the same year, I volunteered for the CPU Bar Operations. And while I was in Manila, I saw the bus of one of Manila’s top law schools. Believing that I experienced an epiphany, I transferred to the said law school located in Mendiola.
After a year, my health declined, it was difficult living alone in a big city, and the loneliness of being away from my family took a toll on my well-being. But still, I knew in my heart that I really wanted to be a lawyer.
Eventually, I went back to Iloilo, and in 2016 I enrolled again in CPU. This time, I had the confidence and resolve to finish my law degree.
Come senior year, we had to take our comprehensive examinations. It was a requirement for graduation. I failed. But I wasn’t sad or disappointed because the bar exams were delayed due to the pandemic. And I thought to myself I can still take the bar exam together with my original batchmates.
I took the comprehensive exams a second time – I failed yet again. I had one classmate who messaged me: It’s okay, I know how you feel. I also failed last time. But in my mind I was like: girl, both of us failed last time and I failed again.
My parents, resilient as they are, told me to take it a 3rd time, a 4th time – until I eventually pass and graduate. But to be honest at that time, I was at my limit.
The crushing realization of not attaining my dream dawned on me. In one of my classes with Atty. Guillen, one of the cases that we discussed was DECS vs. San Diego. After I read that case Justice Isagani Cruz became my favorite ponente.
The case of DECS vs. San Diego is a case about a zoology student who challenged the three-flunk rule of National Medical Admissions Test (NMAT) because, according to him, it was a violation of his right to quality education. Justice Cruz, ruling that it was a legitimate exercise of police power wrote:
“While every person is entitled to aspire to be a doctor, he does not have the constitutional right to be a doctor.”
A line which struck me the most in the decision was, and I quote:
“Though his persistence was noteworthy to say the least it was certainly misplaced like hopeless love.”
The ability to aspire does not give us the guarantee that our dreams will come true. And I thought to myself, maybe I just like the thought of being a lawyer but I don’t have what it takes to be one.
For many nights I wallowed in confusion, in self-doubt and self-pity.
I prayed. I asked God if He really wanted me to be lawyer. Finally, I remembered the life of Joseph, he had so many set-backs but he never gave up. It took him 13 years to go from the pit to the palace. One night he was sleeping in prison, then one day he became the 2nd most powerful person in Egypt, next to the Pharoah.
And I told myself, the same God who promoted Joseph is the same God that I serve. He is the same God who parted the red sea, who rescued Daniel from the pit of lions, the same God who raised Lazarus from the dead – I decided to take the comprehensive exams a 3rd time and I finally passed and graduated.
You might think that the story is now reaching its happy ending but no – I failed my first bar examinations.
The feeling was 100 times as worse as failing the comprehensive exams. But this time, after having failed a couple of times, I had the right reaction to failure. I accepted I failed. I cried until I could cry no more. I prayed and prayed until God eventually healed my heart and gave the strength to once again hurdle the bar examinations.
I took the bar a 2nd time and I passed. After nine years, I am finally a full-pledged lawyer.
I did not do it on my own.
I could not have done it on my own.
To my law school professors, thank you for being passionate and committed to our legal training. We hope to make you proud as we know embark in our journey as legal professionals.
To Atty. Guillen, thank you Sir, for teaching me that the weight of giving up is heavier than the weight of failure; for making me love and appreciate the Philippine constitution and most importantly to love the people it protects. Your class has always been my favorite.
To Judge Muñez, the fear and anxiety I used to feel during our Remedial Law recitations is now the courage and confidence I carry with me during my court appearances.
To my fellow new lawyers, thank you for sharing this wonderful journey with me. The challenge of taking the bar was made lighter knowing we are all in it together, for sharing notes, and tips, for laughing together and crying together.
To our former Dean, Dean Zacarias Bedona, thank you for welcoming me back to CPU, and for always giving me advice to persevere.
To Dean Aila, thank you Ma’am for your unwavering support during the bar and during our law school days. We pray that your leadership take the CPU College of law to greater heights. May we finally produce a topnotcher soon and may we finally be recognized as one of the best law schools in the country – I know that day will come.
To my parents, thank for everything.
To Jesus, my personal Lord and Savior. You are as good as the day I failed the bar examinations and You are as good as the day I finally passed. You deserve all the glory.
My failures have refined me and made me a better person because I surrendered them to the Lord. And I guess, failure teaches us more about life than success with the condition that we never give up.
In life we will have challenges and brokenness, and we will experience pain that people can see but we will also experience pain that not other people might quite recognize, but in this journey may we never give up – may we look at the lives of the great men before us, to our professors, to our parents, and most especially to God that eventually all things work together for good to those who love Him and work according to His purpose.