By Charlotte Gadian
BA Communication, Magna Cum Laude
Excel Chorale Leadership Awardee

Delivered during the Baccalaureate Service of CPU on July 23, 2022 at the Rose Memorial Auditorium.

Charlotte Gadian, BA Communications, Magna Cum Laude, shared a testimony during the Baccalaureate Service.

To the members of the CPU Board of Trustees and CPU Corporation; our University President, Dr. Teodoro Robles; our three vice presidents, Dr. Florence Bogacia, Vice President for Finance and Administration; Dr. Irving Domingo Rio, Vice President for Academic Affairs; and Dr. Esther Rose Romarate, Vice President for Student Affairs; faculty and staff of this University; parents and loved ones of our graduating students; and my fellow members of Batch 2022, good morning.

It is my honor and privilege to share my story with all of you today, with the hope that it can become a source of inspiration and a testimony of God’s unending love for His children.

My life has an unusual story: an adopted baby that was exchanged for a 1000 peso-debt my biological parents whom I never met had accumulated from a small store. They couldn’t afford to pay, so for 1000 pesos, they gave me to a government employee who can’t have a baby so they could pay off their debt.

From there, I lived a normal life – I had my adoptive parents, and we were a family.

But when I was in 3rd year high school, the one who adopted me, my Nanay, was sick with cancer, so she had to leave me to her best friend at work. She eventually succumbed to the illness. And while I never understood mourning at that time, I still grieved, but I never devoted a lot of emotions into it at that time. I continued to live with her best friend, and she became mommy. The transition wasn’t that hard, and I focused most of myself and my time to my studies.

I never had problems with my studies in college. I have always received good grades, I never had failing marks. It was going pretty well. However, we can’t be perfect. My battles were more about myself. It was more about my view in life, my purpose, my image, and my faith. I was always worried about impressing other people and I always wondered about their perceptions of me. I never knew that it was starting to break me. The lack of knowledge about my faith in God was also painful. I never felt belongingness and there’s always this missing piece inside of me. I’m sure we all have felt that somehow. We all felt that the world is against us and we crave for something more to life than what we have now.

I had sleepless nights, overthinking about those things and it is true…that the hardest battle you can ever face is the battle between you and yourself. You don’t want to be your own enemy. I had endless anxieties about it and I always craved for genuine relationships with other people because all my life, I’ve always had trust issues.

My first two years in college was typical. Mommy and I were trying to recover from a loss and I was motivated to work hard in my studies. I was doing quite well and I was blessed with a couple of opportunities by the school. I was able to go to another country, got awards, and I could say that at that time, I was living my life.

I was indeed living my life until the pandemic happened. Those two years were the hardest years of my life. I developed social anxiety, I had a hard time coping with the online set-up, my faith was rocky, and we were struggling, trying to balance our financial situation. I knew that I could overcome it, but I realized that it was harder for mommy. I saw how she struggled with the situation. I saw how she longed for her friends and while her heart was breaking, mine was breaking too.

The pandemic drained me to the core. My mental health was weak and so was my emotional health. I thought that was it, but it got worse. In the middle of the pandemic, I had to undergo surgery because of a ruptured appendix. Due to this, I had to skip classes for a few days, and even postponed my research for a bit because I couldn’t stand and my mind was a mess. This experience proved that God will always be by our side. I am always grateful that my teachers from the Department of Languages, Mass Communication, and Humanities are compassionate and caring because they gave me time to recover and catch up with the classes I missed and also, I had my best friends who helped me.

After that experience, I was back to my normal pandemic life. Mommy and I were trying to do things to cope with the pandemic so we watched movies every night, we tried to learn how to cook and we talked about random things. This pandemic has given me the opportunity to bond more with mommy and make our mother-daughter relationship deeper. We got to plan out our future after I graduate, and we got to dream about our future destinations once the travel restrictions were lifted. We were happy.

Mid-September 2021, mommy started to feel weird. She had these constant headaches and dizziness. She was starting to get weak. I tried to convince her to go to the doctor, but she was too scared to go out of our home due to high COVID cases. Days passed and I noticed how she couldn’t keep her balance and she was always tired. We had her CT Scanned and we found out that it was cancer. During that time, I had sleepless nights and I also got sick trying to balance every aspect of my life – mental, emotional, and physical. That was it. That was the greatest heartbreak of my life. She spent two weeks in the hospital then on September 30, we lost her. I lost her. My greatest fear has finally caught up with me. I couldn’t eat well, I couldn’t sleep, and I cried every night knowing I lost the only person who understands every inch of me. I was left with nothing but grief and guilt. Questions were overflowing my mind. Was I a good daughter? Did I make her proud? Was she happy when she decided to be my guardian after my first mom died out of cancer too? Was she fulfilled? Was she happy? I thought of every single thing.

I had all the chance to be mad at God. I had all the opportunities to blame Him for everything that has happened in my life, but I didn’t. I continued to trust Him and His plans and I always wondered why. Then I realized that every day I had an opportunity to be mad at Him, I remembered every single thing, CPU has taught me about God’s promise. This school taught me that we can always trust God’s will.

CPU helped me by strengthening my faith and by developing my talents. In this institution, I received Christ and I found my purpose. CPU opened my eyes to what God can do. This school gave me an opportunity to lift my confidence, to learn more about the gospel and most importantly, to serve God in various ways. I will forever be grateful for all the opportunities this school has blessed me with.

These experiences taught me three things: sacrifice, strength, and breakthrough.
Pain is a fickle thing. God tested me big time. He knew my faith was rocky, and He gave me a lot of opportunities to strengthen it. I didn’t understand it at first but I knew He was preparing me for something special.

I learned how to be strong. Just when I thought I’ve sacrificed enough, I lost mommy, the person I love with all my heart.

God made me realize that we shouldn’t take everything for granted. You have to go through greater heights and you must make an effort in everything you do.

We should remember that we will always have our breakthrough. It may seem blurry now, but God will make it clear. Trust in His will and He will deliver. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
This verse has always reminded me of God’s promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us. Despite my struggles, God made ways to send help. He sent out people who will help me in my needs even though I live alone and mom isn’t here anymore. He blessed me with good friends who will stay true to me and will never abandon me. He filled my life with overflowing opportunities that made me realize my worth. He gave me a purpose and this purpose is to share my story with you all. Right here. Right now. In this venue and on this special occasion. I am standing in front of you now – a living proof of God’s goodness. My testimony is a proof that God writes the most wonderful plot in every one’s life.

If you’re struggling right now, may it be in love, loss of a loved one, existential crisis, or mental struggle, never lose hope and most importantly, never lose your faith. God tells us in Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” This is His promise. God’s love always perseveres, and we may lose a lot, but He will fill our cup over and over for us to be whole again.

My fellow Centralians, from this day forward, may we always remember to look forward with hope and not to look backward with regret.